- Aug 31, 2008
Innocent questions of a 7 year old
"You don't ever clean your house?"
Guess I better clean my house.
Guess I better clean my house.
31 August 2008
indescribable
- Aug 31, 2008
indescribable
I wish I knew how to put together words in such a way as to accurately describe the thoughts and feelings which so totally envelope me.
28 August 2008
Is it me afterall?
- Aug 28, 2008
Is it me afterall?
For my entire life I have been the beneficiary of what I think(?) is an abnormal amount of generosity.
Of course when you're young enough, you tend to take everything which happens for granted, because you haven't learned a baseline yet. Ok, so the nice lady gives you some candy, and you are supposed to say "thank you" and this is considered a normal social transaction.
So, when the administrative staff of your elementary school calls your family a couple weeks before Christmas and says that someone donated a really nice bicycle along with all the other toy donations and they want you to have it rather than putting it in the first-come-first serve toy bin that the whole school will have access to... you don't really question that either. That was only 1 of 3 bikes I was given by teachers at that school.
In high school I always assumed it was because I was so obviously poor.
I got a steady supply of free meals when I sat looking forlorn while everyone else ate (there is a fine line where it becomes obvious you are doing it on purpose. I always blatantly crossed that line. Never seemed to matter)
The free clothes from relative strangers was because of how I dressed. They assumed I couldn't afford decent clothes, and didn't want to embarrass me by asking, so I would just get random gifts. So I thought.
It may well be that this is the motivator still, since I couldn't care less about clothes and I work and play hard and they tend to disintegrate off of me before I get around to the rather tedious chore of finding replacements.
It can't explain all of it though.
Maybe the very idea of capitalism, Ann Rands virtue of selfishness, it is all rhetoric, and Burning Man's culture of gifting (not bartering, gifting - major distinction) is actually a universal standard. Maybe I just never noticed. Actually, I suspect this is it. I don't see anything so particularly special about me, (beyond the requisite "everyone is special" kind of way)
The web domain I wrote about recently. The waived inspection fee for no apparent reason. My need to compensate for overly generous tips (very rarely has anyone ever questioned the number I come up with, maybe 3 times in 2 years. I calculate in my head and just give them the total.)
What inspired this entry was the shopping trip this morning (I promised Fushi that I would buy cat food before I had breakfast)
Kim and Nina own the shop, have maybe 2 employees (relatives?)
I took a cooking class with a friend of theirs, and as a result I always get a discount (10-15% off depending how much I spend, and frequently rounded down to a round number on top of that!)
We speak only as much as you can while in a checkout line, but they are both quite observant. My wife and I lived here before the separation, so they noticed when she stopped showing up and asked me about it. They were both very supportive, and also optimistic about our chances. Once Nina could tell just from my grocery choices, "You're making dinner for her tonight?", which of course I was.
All of this is totally irrelevant. I just want to share House of Produce with you all, and this seems the best chance to do it.
Anyway
Kim almost always gives me fruit on my way out the door. At first I assumed it was stuff he had too much of, or was getting towards the end of its shelf life. Today it was white nectarines. When I smiled and waved him away, he pointed out that they were organic in case that was why. It wasn't, I just have so much at home already (since I keep being given free, organic, delicious food, wherever I go!).
It took a bit of convincing and explaining, but we compromised by him putting only 3 (instead of 6) in my bag without my explicit consent.
As I left I saw a bin of organic white nectarines, none looking overripe, not an excessive amount of them, no clear reason he should want to clear them out quickly.
It is quite possible that all of the regulars get this treatment. I have never seen it for any other customer who happens to be there while I am shopping though.
Of course altruism is as natural as sex and feeding, but I feel like it is suppressed in our society. On the one hand its admired, but at the same time viewed in a certain patronizing way, as though it were naive and cute, something to be chuckled at at best, or taken advantage of at worst.
As natural as it seems, Burning Man's take on economy does feel a little revolutionary in a way. In the moment, you can almost find yourself feeling like anarchy would be feasible (I really will get to that blog, I promise - I know, I know, I have been promising it for months now... the divorce was a major event in my life, as well it should be, but now that it is finallybehind me, I am getting back to my writing and I haven't forgotten my past topics despite being distracted by all these new ones)
I feel like I have been far too cynical.
I tend to think badly of "people" in general, on the large scale. I still feel that history justifies this.
I have always given actual specific individuals the benefit of the doubt and forgive minor transgressions.
Even so, I feel I have not had high enough expectations of the various people out around me.
They are hard to find.
But they are there just the same.
Meeting new people, talking to acquaintances more in depth, reading CL personal ads, it is very easy to see why I had become so cynical (jaded?) in the first place, why I had lowered my expectations so much.
And yet, the two I have been talking to...
(yes, two. You both have the link to this blog, so that's out now and over with. I understand - intellectually - that this is totally normal and expected. As likely as not you have one or two others as well, or at least have at some point in time. At the same time, I can't help feeling it is inappropriate, like its something a "player" does. Yes, I have been saying such enthusiastic and positive things to you each, and yes, I have absolutely meant it sincerely in each case.)
It was just so easy.
I meant the search as purely academic. Lets see what's out there, what its like. I have time to kill and nothing to do, and why not?
And at first it only fed my cynicism. Of every 50 headlines maybe 2 looked worth even opening. Out of every dozen opened was one which I finished. Oh dear god how I don't look forward to dating. I remember looking through these long long ago. Now I remembered why I hadn't since. In the end, just because I wanted to try this experiment of "dating" and start a new stage of life, I picked the least annoying, disturbing, stupid sounding posts, and what the hell, worst that can happen is rejection, I wrote something to a couple.
Discouraging
Yet that old compulsive craigslist browsing habit had grabbed hold of me, and I kept reading.
And came across just a couple which I actually found myself wanting to respond to, instead of forcing myself to.
By the end of the night I had a response.
By the morning was another.
These women are intelligent!
They have similar morals and outlooks on life as myself!
These are people I could really get to like.
These are people I want to be friends with.
And these are people who seem as interested in me as I am in them.
And reading things they have written I am reminded why I went to CL instead of a bar.
Something feels pathetic about reading, writing, responding to personal ads. Desperate, geeky, sad.
It was one thing when we were in school. There is not the same steady supply of people my age, like-minded, (and single), wandering about just to one side.
In the traditional spots, the dance club, the bar, the supermarket, the only thing I know is what she looks like.
Here, I get to know who she is first. This is what is important to me. I actually prefer not to see a picture until after establishing interest or lack there of. I can eliminate a lot of potentially wasted time learning who she is from the comfort of home over a few hours. (I suppose as long as I had a good time on a date it wouldn't be "wasted", but I'd rather spend that time with someone fun and fully engaging)
Since then I have gotten 2 responses which I suspect to be commercial ploys (no doubt one of the earlier, vague, posts I responded to, deliberately written to have mass appeal) and a new Gchat buddy.
Of the responses I responded to, I have a confirmed up coming date and maybe another, both with people which make me feel my low expectations and disillusionment with this whole process has been entirely premature and unjustified.
And this is all coming from a few hours of CL! (Thank you Craig, you are a God among men)
Imagine if I were more diligent? How many wonderful people could I be (feeling guilty about) dating at once?
Afterall, I'm almost middle aged, perhaps I should be making up for lost time (ok, not "lost" - if I had it to do over, I'd have still married Aileen. I don't regret a moment of the time I spent with her. I don't feel I could have learned nearly as much about life, about relationships, and about myself, any other way. Besides, there was more positive than negative overall, at least for me. Unlike a great many people I meet, I harbor no resentment or spite toward my ex.)
This is only a fantasy of course. But its fun just to know how easily within reach it is. And that when both of these new relationships (that isn't the right word for someone I haven't technically met) establish themselves as solid platonic friendships (because, come on, I should be so lucky?) it will be just as easy to go back and seek out new potential romantic partners.
Discovering how amazing some people are lets me know that it won't be such an impossible task to find a healthy, happy, mutually fulfilling partnership someday, and that makes it much easier to wait patiently to find it. The key all along was perhaps just knowing where to look.
The first half and second half of this entry really are the same thing.
At the same time, I have been finding deeper connection in my friendships and re-connection with friendships past.
It is all about this renewed feeling of optimism for humanity, and the changes losing someone important to me have forced through inside me. Facing AD with total honesty has allowed me to begin to experience what I suspect the rest of the world gets to take for granted.
This general optimism has been pervasive (though certainly not consistent) in my writing but only now am I feeling it as strongly emotionally as I do (at times) intellectually.
It certainly isn't universal. I'm under no neurotic delusions. I have met new people and been immediately put-off. As much as I like my new friends, with one I can easily find things I feel are less than ideal (not that I would ever expect, or even want, "perfection") and in the other I don't feel I know enough to say.
I am aware that at least a piece of my optimism stems from qualities that have always been in me that today I label as attachment disorder. I am all too conscious of all the implications that follow. It is a hard balance, tempering enthusiasm while still enjoying the pleasant giddiness of excitement.
I am well past the things I originally intended to write about, delving into my mind as I write, making this unnecessarily long, as I tend to do. I think I will skate to work instead of cycling.
***I choose to believe this is due to the heat, the constant headwind, and perhaps the cumulative sleep deficit, but that was the hardest 10miles in at least a year. I got in a half hour late!***
Of course when you're young enough, you tend to take everything which happens for granted, because you haven't learned a baseline yet. Ok, so the nice lady gives you some candy, and you are supposed to say "thank you" and this is considered a normal social transaction.
So, when the administrative staff of your elementary school calls your family a couple weeks before Christmas and says that someone donated a really nice bicycle along with all the other toy donations and they want you to have it rather than putting it in the first-come-first serve toy bin that the whole school will have access to... you don't really question that either. That was only 1 of 3 bikes I was given by teachers at that school.
In high school I always assumed it was because I was so obviously poor.
I got a steady supply of free meals when I sat looking forlorn while everyone else ate (there is a fine line where it becomes obvious you are doing it on purpose. I always blatantly crossed that line. Never seemed to matter)
The free clothes from relative strangers was because of how I dressed. They assumed I couldn't afford decent clothes, and didn't want to embarrass me by asking, so I would just get random gifts. So I thought.
It may well be that this is the motivator still, since I couldn't care less about clothes and I work and play hard and they tend to disintegrate off of me before I get around to the rather tedious chore of finding replacements.
It can't explain all of it though.
Maybe the very idea of capitalism, Ann Rands virtue of selfishness, it is all rhetoric, and Burning Man's culture of gifting (not bartering, gifting - major distinction) is actually a universal standard. Maybe I just never noticed. Actually, I suspect this is it. I don't see anything so particularly special about me, (beyond the requisite "everyone is special" kind of way)
The web domain I wrote about recently. The waived inspection fee for no apparent reason. My need to compensate for overly generous tips (very rarely has anyone ever questioned the number I come up with, maybe 3 times in 2 years. I calculate in my head and just give them the total.)
What inspired this entry was the shopping trip this morning (I promised Fushi that I would buy cat food before I had breakfast)
Kim and Nina own the shop, have maybe 2 employees (relatives?)
I took a cooking class with a friend of theirs, and as a result I always get a discount (10-15% off depending how much I spend, and frequently rounded down to a round number on top of that!)
We speak only as much as you can while in a checkout line, but they are both quite observant. My wife and I lived here before the separation, so they noticed when she stopped showing up and asked me about it. They were both very supportive, and also optimistic about our chances. Once Nina could tell just from my grocery choices, "You're making dinner for her tonight?", which of course I was.
All of this is totally irrelevant. I just want to share House of Produce with you all, and this seems the best chance to do it.
Anyway
Kim almost always gives me fruit on my way out the door. At first I assumed it was stuff he had too much of, or was getting towards the end of its shelf life. Today it was white nectarines. When I smiled and waved him away, he pointed out that they were organic in case that was why. It wasn't, I just have so much at home already (since I keep being given free, organic, delicious food, wherever I go!).
It took a bit of convincing and explaining, but we compromised by him putting only 3 (instead of 6) in my bag without my explicit consent.
As I left I saw a bin of organic white nectarines, none looking overripe, not an excessive amount of them, no clear reason he should want to clear them out quickly.
It is quite possible that all of the regulars get this treatment. I have never seen it for any other customer who happens to be there while I am shopping though.
Of course altruism is as natural as sex and feeding, but I feel like it is suppressed in our society. On the one hand its admired, but at the same time viewed in a certain patronizing way, as though it were naive and cute, something to be chuckled at at best, or taken advantage of at worst.
As natural as it seems, Burning Man's take on economy does feel a little revolutionary in a way. In the moment, you can almost find yourself feeling like anarchy would be feasible (I really will get to that blog, I promise - I know, I know, I have been promising it for months now... the divorce was a major event in my life, as well it should be, but now that it is finallybehind me, I am getting back to my writing and I haven't forgotten my past topics despite being distracted by all these new ones)
I feel like I have been far too cynical.
I tend to think badly of "people" in general, on the large scale. I still feel that history justifies this.
I have always given actual specific individuals the benefit of the doubt and forgive minor transgressions.
Even so, I feel I have not had high enough expectations of the various people out around me.
They are hard to find.
But they are there just the same.
Meeting new people, talking to acquaintances more in depth, reading CL personal ads, it is very easy to see why I had become so cynical (jaded?) in the first place, why I had lowered my expectations so much.
And yet, the two I have been talking to...
(yes, two. You both have the link to this blog, so that's out now and over with. I understand - intellectually - that this is totally normal and expected. As likely as not you have one or two others as well, or at least have at some point in time. At the same time, I can't help feeling it is inappropriate, like its something a "player" does. Yes, I have been saying such enthusiastic and positive things to you each, and yes, I have absolutely meant it sincerely in each case.)
It was just so easy.
I meant the search as purely academic. Lets see what's out there, what its like. I have time to kill and nothing to do, and why not?
And at first it only fed my cynicism. Of every 50 headlines maybe 2 looked worth even opening. Out of every dozen opened was one which I finished. Oh dear god how I don't look forward to dating. I remember looking through these long long ago. Now I remembered why I hadn't since. In the end, just because I wanted to try this experiment of "dating" and start a new stage of life, I picked the least annoying, disturbing, stupid sounding posts, and what the hell, worst that can happen is rejection, I wrote something to a couple.
Discouraging
Yet that old compulsive craigslist browsing habit had grabbed hold of me, and I kept reading.
And came across just a couple which I actually found myself wanting to respond to, instead of forcing myself to.
By the end of the night I had a response.
By the morning was another.
These women are intelligent!
They have similar morals and outlooks on life as myself!
These are people I could really get to like.
These are people I want to be friends with.
And these are people who seem as interested in me as I am in them.
And reading things they have written I am reminded why I went to CL instead of a bar.
Something feels pathetic about reading, writing, responding to personal ads. Desperate, geeky, sad.
It was one thing when we were in school. There is not the same steady supply of people my age, like-minded, (and single), wandering about just to one side.
In the traditional spots, the dance club, the bar, the supermarket, the only thing I know is what she looks like.
Here, I get to know who she is first. This is what is important to me. I actually prefer not to see a picture until after establishing interest or lack there of. I can eliminate a lot of potentially wasted time learning who she is from the comfort of home over a few hours. (I suppose as long as I had a good time on a date it wouldn't be "wasted", but I'd rather spend that time with someone fun and fully engaging)
Since then I have gotten 2 responses which I suspect to be commercial ploys (no doubt one of the earlier, vague, posts I responded to, deliberately written to have mass appeal) and a new Gchat buddy.
Of the responses I responded to, I have a confirmed up coming date and maybe another, both with people which make me feel my low expectations and disillusionment with this whole process has been entirely premature and unjustified.
And this is all coming from a few hours of CL! (Thank you Craig, you are a God among men)
Imagine if I were more diligent? How many wonderful people could I be (feeling guilty about) dating at once?
Afterall, I'm almost middle aged, perhaps I should be making up for lost time (ok, not "lost" - if I had it to do over, I'd have still married Aileen. I don't regret a moment of the time I spent with her. I don't feel I could have learned nearly as much about life, about relationships, and about myself, any other way. Besides, there was more positive than negative overall, at least for me. Unlike a great many people I meet, I harbor no resentment or spite toward my ex.)
This is only a fantasy of course. But its fun just to know how easily within reach it is. And that when both of these new relationships (that isn't the right word for someone I haven't technically met) establish themselves as solid platonic friendships (because, come on, I should be so lucky?) it will be just as easy to go back and seek out new potential romantic partners.
Discovering how amazing some people are lets me know that it won't be such an impossible task to find a healthy, happy, mutually fulfilling partnership someday, and that makes it much easier to wait patiently to find it. The key all along was perhaps just knowing where to look.
The first half and second half of this entry really are the same thing.
At the same time, I have been finding deeper connection in my friendships and re-connection with friendships past.
It is all about this renewed feeling of optimism for humanity, and the changes losing someone important to me have forced through inside me. Facing AD with total honesty has allowed me to begin to experience what I suspect the rest of the world gets to take for granted.
This general optimism has been pervasive (though certainly not consistent) in my writing but only now am I feeling it as strongly emotionally as I do (at times) intellectually.
It certainly isn't universal. I'm under no neurotic delusions. I have met new people and been immediately put-off. As much as I like my new friends, with one I can easily find things I feel are less than ideal (not that I would ever expect, or even want, "perfection") and in the other I don't feel I know enough to say.
I am aware that at least a piece of my optimism stems from qualities that have always been in me that today I label as attachment disorder. I am all too conscious of all the implications that follow. It is a hard balance, tempering enthusiasm while still enjoying the pleasant giddiness of excitement.
I am well past the things I originally intended to write about, delving into my mind as I write, making this unnecessarily long, as I tend to do. I think I will skate to work instead of cycling.
***I choose to believe this is due to the heat, the constant headwind, and perhaps the cumulative sleep deficit, but that was the hardest 10miles in at least a year. I got in a half hour late!***
27 August 2008
What defines generosity is not how much you give away, but how much you keep for yourself
- Aug 27, 2008
What defines generosity is not how much you give away, but how much you keep for yourself
Which is to say, if a millionaire gives $500,000 to charity and good causes - a full 50% of his assets - he has $500,000 left over to keep and spend on himself.
The impoverished man who gives away $5, but only has 1,000 to his name, gave but 0.5%; however, he has only $995 left for himself.
This makes it by far the greater personal sacrifice. True giving can not be measured by the benefit to the receiver, but only by the sacrifice made by the giver.
He who is destitute yet giveth still, shall be the world's greatest philanthropist.
The impoverished man who gives away $5, but only has 1,000 to his name, gave but 0.5%; however, he has only $995 left for himself.
This makes it by far the greater personal sacrifice. True giving can not be measured by the benefit to the receiver, but only by the sacrifice made by the giver.
He who is destitute yet giveth still, shall be the world's greatest philanthropist.
"The Wacky World of Rapid Transit" - By Del the Funkee Homosapien
- Aug 27, 2008
"The Wacky World of Rapid Transit" - By Del the Funkee Homosapien
This song does a really excellent job of explaining the real reason why it is I ended up being a bicycle riding kind of guy.
I learned to fix bikes because if I didn't fix the problem, the story line of this song was my fate.
Chances are, unless you happen to be a black male who grew up in a poor part of the east bay who never got involved with the "thug" mentality, you won't particularly sympathize with the protagonist's lyrics.
Suffice it to say this is not merely a bus ride into a fanciful hypothetical for the sake of an amusing story line. It is quite an accurate description of travel via AC Transit in certain neighborhoods, from the inexplicably long delays to the fun characters on the bus.
I particularly like skit 2: "A-yo, you Rosa Parks' son motherfucker? Bring your ass back here..."
I learned to fix bikes because if I didn't fix the problem, the story line of this song was my fate.
Chances are, unless you happen to be a black male who grew up in a poor part of the east bay who never got involved with the "thug" mentality, you won't particularly sympathize with the protagonist's lyrics.
Suffice it to say this is not merely a bus ride into a fanciful hypothetical for the sake of an amusing story line. It is quite an accurate description of travel via AC Transit in certain neighborhoods, from the inexplicably long delays to the fun characters on the bus.
I particularly like skit 2: "A-yo, you Rosa Parks' son motherfucker? Bring your ass back here..."
22 August 2008
my new life: accidental "green" rep and writer (or: excuse to post more links of my movies)
- Aug 22, 2008
my new life: accidental "green" rep and writer (or: excuse to post more links of my movies)
I never set out, intended, nor expected to become a representative of the environmental movement, an activist, or really anyone special at all.
As I mentioned in blogs past, I believe the most significant and positive thing we can do to be responsible citizens is to truly live each of our own individual lives as close to our own principals as we can. I believe this makes more real difference than all of the shouting, the signs, the email letters to representatives. If everyone just did their own little part, there would cease to even be a need for the grand gestures.
And yet, as it turns out, apparently living by my modest principals has propelled me into this role without my having to try.
In just the past couple weeks:
I have been offered the position of vice-president of the board of a (not yet in existence) children's library, http://www.collectionlibrary.org/ (I am the only member of the board with neither an advanced degree nor related education and/or non-profit experience)
I was interview for a grad student's thesis (ok, granted, those first two are somewhat related)
I was filmed by faircompanies.com and have 3 short video interviews which touch on my home, my vehicles, and my business
http://www.faircompanies.com/main.aspx?uc=multidet&tipus=flv&id=258
http://www.faircompanies.com/main.aspx?uc=multidet&tipus=flv&id=260
http://www.faircompanies.com/main.aspx?uc=multidet&tipus=flv&id=259
I presented the awards (and gifts) to the team in Alameda county which logged the most commute miles during bike-to-work month last May (when I also volunteered, packing gift bags as well as at one of the energizer stations) at the Dublin city council meeting (the winner's were all employees of the City of Dublin)
I had the domain I originally wanted for my website http://www.biodieselhauling.com/ donated to me by the previous owner - despite my specifically requesting to pay for it, on the grounds of his liking what I am doing with it
Soon I will be running yet another free bicycle parking station at a local event http://www.artandsouloakland.com/ yet another thing which I am not quite sure how I ended up doing.
And with any luck, I'll end up a member of the Oakland Bike Patrol http://www.btceb.org/bikepatrol.php which is mostly an excuse to get me to ride my mountain bike more, but is also because, believe it or not, I kind of miss my old job as a private security guard sometimes - I actually got to help a lot of people.
You know what I always say: "Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know so called volunteers don't even get paid?" (Homer Simpson)
Guess I'm a sucker. But you know, its more than a little fun.
And I guess it just goes to show, it's really true what I thought all along - you can make an impact, just by doing what you do (as long as you're doing the right thing)
I still feel no need to be famous. But I got to say, there is a certain narcissistic joy in having those videos out, and, honestly, would I be posting this if I weren't reveling in it all right now?
That's ok. I could use a break from depression, insomnia, and preoccupation with things past. Thus begins the next chapter of my life:
Bakari Kafele, The Bio-Diesel Hauler
Bakari Kafele of the East Bay Bicycle Coalition
Bakari Kafele, Collection board member
Bakari Kafele, Writer.
You know, I never thought of myself as a writer.
I guess it is my creative outlet. I never thought of myself as creative. I am not an artist, not by a long shot. I am much better at repairing things than building new from scratch. But the words in my mind, the letters are a canvass of sorts.
Looking back, I guess I have been writing all along. I guess if you write, that makes you a writer. My 4th grade teacher tells me he and my classmates all looked forward to my journal entries, which I read aloud to the class, when I was 9.
My first ever sentence ("The cow says moo") written in kindergarten was held up as an example before the school board of the sort of work the school was producing. (There was an accompanying picture of said cow. I mentioned not being an artist. Lets just say, if I tried to draw a cow today, it would not look much different from the one I drew at 5)
I used to write a lot of fiction, I still have a box of elementary school stories in the attic of the shed at my mother's place. Somewhere along the line I lost the ability to write decent fiction (I have tried since, believe me, feel grateful I stopped), but writing has been central to expunging the ideas in my mind all along; from heartfelt, deep and personal letters to friends in high school to an unfortunate obsession with posting to the Craigslist rant and rave section for longer than I care to admit (which was only fully cured by starting my own blog)
But as it turns out, people actually read my narratives and essays. Why, in fact you are reading this right now! During a recent severe depression induced bout of extreme insomnia, I found it imperative that I write down the thoughts in my head, just to keep them from consuming me. Within a few days I was given a detailed break down of the artistic merits and shortcomings of my "poetry". Just a couple days ago a former co-worker and friend I haven't spoken to much in years commented on something I wrote many months ago - he said that something I wrote was something he had never thought about before, and he said it was an excellent point.
That is the best compliment I can get.
It makes every hour on the keyboard worth it.
Such a digression this has become! It was about being falling into the role of "green" representative. Now it is suddenly about writing? This is what happens when I don't give myself a couple days to think and plan out my blogs, but just start typing instead.
The other thing that happens is I have no idea about how to make a good ending
As I mentioned in blogs past, I believe the most significant and positive thing we can do to be responsible citizens is to truly live each of our own individual lives as close to our own principals as we can. I believe this makes more real difference than all of the shouting, the signs, the email letters to representatives. If everyone just did their own little part, there would cease to even be a need for the grand gestures.
And yet, as it turns out, apparently living by my modest principals has propelled me into this role without my having to try.
In just the past couple weeks:
I have been offered the position of vice-president of the board of a (not yet in existence) children's library, http://www.collectionlibrary.org/ (I am the only member of the board with neither an advanced degree nor related education and/or non-profit experience)
I was interview for a grad student's thesis (ok, granted, those first two are somewhat related)
I was filmed by faircompanies.com and have 3 short video interviews which touch on my home, my vehicles, and my business
http://www.faircompanies.com/main.aspx?uc=multidet&tipus=flv&id=258
http://www.faircompanies.com/main.aspx?uc=multidet&tipus=flv&id=260
http://www.faircompanies.com/main.aspx?uc=multidet&tipus=flv&id=259
I presented the awards (and gifts) to the team in Alameda county which logged the most commute miles during bike-to-work month last May (when I also volunteered, packing gift bags as well as at one of the energizer stations) at the Dublin city council meeting (the winner's were all employees of the City of Dublin)
I had the domain I originally wanted for my website http://www.biodieselhauling.com/ donated to me by the previous owner - despite my specifically requesting to pay for it, on the grounds of his liking what I am doing with it
Soon I will be running yet another free bicycle parking station at a local event http://www.artandsouloakland.com/ yet another thing which I am not quite sure how I ended up doing.
And with any luck, I'll end up a member of the Oakland Bike Patrol http://www.btceb.org/bikepatrol.php which is mostly an excuse to get me to ride my mountain bike more, but is also because, believe it or not, I kind of miss my old job as a private security guard sometimes - I actually got to help a lot of people.
You know what I always say: "Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know so called volunteers don't even get paid?" (Homer Simpson)
Guess I'm a sucker. But you know, its more than a little fun.
And I guess it just goes to show, it's really true what I thought all along - you can make an impact, just by doing what you do (as long as you're doing the right thing)
I still feel no need to be famous. But I got to say, there is a certain narcissistic joy in having those videos out, and, honestly, would I be posting this if I weren't reveling in it all right now?
That's ok. I could use a break from depression, insomnia, and preoccupation with things past. Thus begins the next chapter of my life:
Bakari Kafele, The Bio-Diesel Hauler
Bakari Kafele of the East Bay Bicycle Coalition
Bakari Kafele, Collection board member
Bakari Kafele, Writer.
You know, I never thought of myself as a writer.
I guess it is my creative outlet. I never thought of myself as creative. I am not an artist, not by a long shot. I am much better at repairing things than building new from scratch. But the words in my mind, the letters are a canvass of sorts.
Looking back, I guess I have been writing all along. I guess if you write, that makes you a writer. My 4th grade teacher tells me he and my classmates all looked forward to my journal entries, which I read aloud to the class, when I was 9.
My first ever sentence ("The cow says moo") written in kindergarten was held up as an example before the school board of the sort of work the school was producing. (There was an accompanying picture of said cow. I mentioned not being an artist. Lets just say, if I tried to draw a cow today, it would not look much different from the one I drew at 5)
I used to write a lot of fiction, I still have a box of elementary school stories in the attic of the shed at my mother's place. Somewhere along the line I lost the ability to write decent fiction (I have tried since, believe me, feel grateful I stopped), but writing has been central to expunging the ideas in my mind all along; from heartfelt, deep and personal letters to friends in high school to an unfortunate obsession with posting to the Craigslist rant and rave section for longer than I care to admit (which was only fully cured by starting my own blog)
But as it turns out, people actually read my narratives and essays. Why, in fact you are reading this right now! During a recent severe depression induced bout of extreme insomnia, I found it imperative that I write down the thoughts in my head, just to keep them from consuming me. Within a few days I was given a detailed break down of the artistic merits and shortcomings of my "poetry". Just a couple days ago a former co-worker and friend I haven't spoken to much in years commented on something I wrote many months ago - he said that something I wrote was something he had never thought about before, and he said it was an excellent point.
That is the best compliment I can get.
It makes every hour on the keyboard worth it.
Such a digression this has become! It was about being falling into the role of "green" representative. Now it is suddenly about writing? This is what happens when I don't give myself a couple days to think and plan out my blogs, but just start typing instead.
The other thing that happens is I have no idea about how to make a good ending
20 August 2008
Take that capitalism
- Aug 20, 2008
Take that capitalism
I finally got the person who had reserved "biodieselhauling.com" to release it from it's parked status.
It should be a few hours to process, but soon www.biodieselhauling.com will redirect to my website, www.biodieselhauling.org
Most people assume all websites to be .com, so this means a lot of confused customers will be able to find me a lot easier.
The person who owned it until today, a college student in Oregon, he had a similar business idea to mine, and a few months before I first set up my website he reserved the name.
I contacted him and offered to buy it almost two years ago, but he said he intended to use it in the next few weeks.
However, he never ended up using the site. I checked in recently, and found it was still idle.
I contacted him again, and offered to buy it and let him pick a price. He refused payment, and transferred the domain to me the next day. I wrote again, explaining that I am using the site for commercial reasons, and offered to pay, at the very least, whatever he paid for the domain in the first place. Again, he declined.
Without a Paypal address or mailing address (the DNS had the school's address), there isn't much I can do.
He said he agrees with what I'm doing, and to re-invest what ever I would have paid him.
The GoDaddy website (who the domain is registered with) specifically encourages people to register domains for the sole reason of reselling them at a profit to someone who will actually use them. Plenty of people do just that, essentially web domain speculating - and making money while providing literally nothing of value to society.
This person did just the opposite - paid for a site, and then gave it away.
Take that capitalism!!
I am not the only anti-capitalist still out there.
There is morality, generosity, left in this country.
To the guy in question (perhaps he doesn't want his name public, but he knows who he is) you have all of my respect and gratitude.
15 August 2008
13 August 2008
Summary of not-very-thought-out rant on pending video
- Aug 13, 2008
Summary of not-very-thought-out rant on pending video
A few weeks ago the creators of faircompanies.com came to my home with cameras, and I gave a tour of my home, and spoke of some of my political and philosophical ideas while I worked.
I didn't prepare what I was going to say, and in retrospect, perhaps I should have.
After, I tried to figure what exactly my overall point has been.
Some things in personal life have been getting in the way of writing for a while, but I think I can summarize it all now.
The overall point is this: Do the big stuff. Having done that, don't sweat the small stuff.
Americans have grown accustomed to a excessively high level of luxury and convenience, to the point where some of what we take for granted doesn't even improve quality of life.
And among the people who are aware of the implications of our impact, it has become all too easy to rationalize doing the exact opposite.
Today a great many people do all the little things, and this makes it easier to rationalize not doing what will make the biggest difference.
I didn't prepare what I was going to say, and in retrospect, perhaps I should have.
After, I tried to figure what exactly my overall point has been.
Some things in personal life have been getting in the way of writing for a while, but I think I can summarize it all now.
The overall point is this: Do the big stuff. Having done that, don't sweat the small stuff.
Americans have grown accustomed to a excessively high level of luxury and convenience, to the point where some of what we take for granted doesn't even improve quality of life.
And among the people who are aware of the implications of our impact, it has become all too easy to rationalize doing the exact opposite.
Today a great many people do all the little things, and this makes it easier to rationalize not doing what will make the biggest difference.
This is not to say that there isn't a level of sacrifice in the little things, or that they don't make a positive difference.
We should continue to
turn down the heat or AC a few degrees
use cloth shopping bags
keep tires inflated and engines tuned
turn off the water while brushing teeth
shut lights when leaving a room
recycle
and all the rest
But, even if every American did all of those sort of things, our rates of consumption of both energy and material (per capita) are so far beyond that of any other society in the world.
Many Americans today point to China and their rapidly growing economy. They are catching up, and projected to surpass us in, for example, use of coal and oil. But they also have over 4 times as many people. When they reach our levels, they are still using 25% of what we use per person. In other words, as Americans you and I are using far more than our share of world resources. On average, 5 times more. If every human lived like the average American, we would need 5 times more resources (land, energy, materials, water, and capacity to absorb pollution) than actually exist. I'd be willing to bet that if you are reading this, you are doing far better than the average American.
2 times more than ones share is certainly incomparably better than 5 times more; but it is still really not sustainable.
We are able to live this way only at the expense of other people somewhere else, both in the third world, and people of the future (including, depending on age, ourselves).
The thing is, the big things really aren't as bad as we tend to assume.
The one really big question to ask ourselves, as responsible and concerned people, is: how much will this change/purchase/decision affect my overall quality of life?
Not just "will it make life a little easier?" but "will it make me more fulfilled?" or "will it substantially decrease stress?". How would you feel looking back on your life someday if you had never done/purchased/chosen whatever? Would it even be an issue?
The Big Things:
Don't own a car
Don't eat animal products
Live within walking (or bicycling) distance to work and groceries
Live in as small a space as possible, preferably an apartment building
I realize that one thing people may use as an objection is having kids. A family with 3 kids needs to transport up to 5 people at once. Nearly all compact and many sub-compact cars have seating for 5. Since most households with two drivers have two cars, this could also be accomplished with one 2 seater and one 3 seater. Not to mention child seats and trailers for bicycles. As far as space, there are several families with kids who live in the trailer park I live in.
Even more significant is having kids in the first place. This issue seems to be all but taboo among environmentalists even though its the single most significant one. If we had 1/5 the number of Americans, we would be sustainable, even at the same level of excessive consumption. Because of the resources we use per capita, it is fair to say that we are far more over-populated than, say sub-Saharan Africa from a global perspective. Every new American uses 20 times what a new sub-Saharan African uses in a lifetime. To be sustainable, each new generation can not continue to be bigger than the one before (fortunately the average number of children is getting to 2, or neutral growth.) There are a lot of kids in this country that need adopting.
In fact, I should add not having kids to the Big Things.
Not everyone is going to do all of those things. At the least though, we can all make an effort to get as close as possible.
If you own a car, take public transit on the daily commute anyway.
Perhaps eat meat so as not to insult the in-laws when they spent a long time cooking for you.
Perhaps you can't afford to live close enough to work to walk, but arrange it so you live as close as possible. Living way out in the suburbs in order to afford a bigger house doubles the harm; and, ironically, is more likely to decrease overall quality of life as the commute increases stress and decreases free time.
It also costs more than an equally cost (smaller) home closer to work, both in its increased energy costs and costs associated with the commute.
If you already have kids, don't have more. If you are thinking about it, at least consider adoption.
Which brings me to the other major issue.
We often associate being ecologically responsible with being middle class (Whole Foods and the Prius come to mind).
In one of my college ecology classes, the instructor told us about how he once spent an extra $500 or so on the "extra-efficient" engine of a new Honda Civic. He had calculated how much fuel he saved over the life of the car, and concluded that he never recovered the extra cost. His point was that high efficiency often costs more upfront, and this cost may or may not ever be recovered.
However, I think the more important comparison is between the Civic, in either configuration, and a full size car, or an SUV, either of which would have cost many thousands more, and gotten far worse mileage than even the "in-efficient" Civic.
With few exceptions, being more efficient, more environmentally friendly, costs far less than the alternative - not only in the long-run, but up-front as well.
A Prius may cost more than similarly sized cars, but the Geo Metro got the same mileage, and cost under 10k. Better yet, even a top of the line premium bicycle costs no more than a few thousand, and eliminates the need for fuel, maintenance and insurance.
A plant based diet is cheaper for the same reason it is more sustainable; the animals we eat themselves eat food that could be feeding humans, and the majority of those calories go into the animals own metabolism.
Obviously a small house costs less than a large one, and living close to work costs less than a 60 minute commute.
Obviously not having a child is incomparably less exspensive than having one.
Similarly, buying everything used (aside from food, stuff that gets used up like soap, and maybe underwear) costs a small fraction of buying new, and is far superior in terms of environmental impact, not only to buying standard new products, but also is far superior to buying the more expensive "green" products which have become so popular recently.
I don't mean to make people feel guilty. My hope is that people think about things differently, and make changes that don't take away from their lives, but make them more sustainable.
Keep doing all the little things. Just remember that spending extra money isn't enough by itself. Instead of buying carbon credits, drive less. I promise after the first few weeks you won't miss it. (If you do, try a month. If you still do after that, go back to the car with m blessing). Driving less miles will always make more of a difference than buying a hybrid. If you can't afford a hybrid, don't feel bad. Make up for it by driving less. If you can, that's great, most have far lower emissions than average. But drive less anyway.
This is something I need to remind myself too. My truck runs on veggie oil, and sometimes I feel lazy and figure what the heck, its veggie oil, I'll just drive. But it isn't 100% clean either, and I should ride my bike. Sometimes I do. Not always.
I should amend the list
Drive less. Much less
Eat animal products rarely if ever
When you move, make the commute a primary consideration (studies have shown a short commute contribute more to life satisfaction than a big house does)
Buy used whenever possible.
With all the money you save from those things, go ahead and spend the extra on "green" products, buy carbon credits; or just treat yourself to something decadent, and enjoy it to the fullest. After that, if you have a little time left over, maybe check your tire pressure and unplug the cell phone charger.
-
Here are few links where you can roughly estimate how much you personally are using. They are not all that detailed, and they give slightly different answers due to asking different questions and making different assumptions, but they give you an idea and a place to start from. All of our goals should be "1 Earth", because that's all we have.
http://ecofoot.org/
http://www.myfootprint.org/en/
http://ww2.earthday.net/footprint.php
Part 2
- Aug 13, 2008
Part 2
Something feels off about my last post.
Too negative.
I forgot the important part about how being "green" isn't really a sacrifice at all.
Because, really, a great many things that we take for granted today, many of the conveniences and luxuries, don't really add much to life - in fact, some take away from it.
Say, for example, you trade your car for a bike and your steak for a salad.
Right off the top you are saving money. In the case of the car, thousands upon thousands of dollars.
Then, after a few weeks, you are getting healthier, stronger, losing weight, feeling better about yourself, feeling better about getting up and starting each new day.
The same goes of you just take a partial step, say riding the bike to work (or to the train station, whatever) once a week, and reducing animal product intake by half.
You still find yourself with more energy, a more positive outlook on the world. After a few months, maybe a year, chances are you are up to 3 days a week, and meat only for special occasions.
Meanwhile you have this big ole stack of bills piling up in your bank account - oh, and as a side benefit, you are doing a huge service for the environment ("the environment" being short-hand for "the future of all life on the planet, including ourselves")
Its like smoking. For a smoker, there really isn't any reward to each cigarette, other than the cessation of the withdrawal symptoms. The reward to giving it up is significantly improved health, both in terms of being able to catch the bus that's just pulling away, and in terms of a long life. Plus, all the money you save by not buying the cigarettes (and the health care costs some day - because yall know we aren't going to get a nationalized health plan anytime soon).
Its just habit (and chemical addiction) that keeps them going back for more.
Our cars and diet and electricity use and all the rest are basically like cigarettes. They don't make us happier in life, but we have a lot of trouble giving them up.
(The good news is, no physical addiction!)
Other things that are good for the earth, which in the long run are good for our pocketbooks, our health, and/or our happiness, include buying the absolute smallest car you can find, buying less stuff (we all know stuff doesn't really make us happier), living close to work (or better yet, telecommuting), eating organic (more nutrients, less toxic chemicals), saving energy (this should go without saying.) It does take more time to put the clothes on the line. But not only do you save money, that is time spent outdoors in the sun, instead of in some laundrymat or the basement.
Then, with all the surplus in good deeds, spend some of that on the things that make life better, (but maybe aren't the best things ecologically)
If you spent all year saving electricity, go ahead and put up that elaborate xmas light display.
After buying everything on Craigslist.org or from thrift stores, go ahead and buy a brand new high quality food processor.
After biking to work every day, take the car up to the mountains for vacation.
And don't feel bad about it!
Enjoy life. Doing good should not be a sacrifice.
Too negative.
I forgot the important part about how being "green" isn't really a sacrifice at all.
Because, really, a great many things that we take for granted today, many of the conveniences and luxuries, don't really add much to life - in fact, some take away from it.
Say, for example, you trade your car for a bike and your steak for a salad.
Right off the top you are saving money. In the case of the car, thousands upon thousands of dollars.
Then, after a few weeks, you are getting healthier, stronger, losing weight, feeling better about yourself, feeling better about getting up and starting each new day.
The same goes of you just take a partial step, say riding the bike to work (or to the train station, whatever) once a week, and reducing animal product intake by half.
You still find yourself with more energy, a more positive outlook on the world. After a few months, maybe a year, chances are you are up to 3 days a week, and meat only for special occasions.
Meanwhile you have this big ole stack of bills piling up in your bank account - oh, and as a side benefit, you are doing a huge service for the environment ("the environment" being short-hand for "the future of all life on the planet, including ourselves")
Its like smoking. For a smoker, there really isn't any reward to each cigarette, other than the cessation of the withdrawal symptoms. The reward to giving it up is significantly improved health, both in terms of being able to catch the bus that's just pulling away, and in terms of a long life. Plus, all the money you save by not buying the cigarettes (and the health care costs some day - because yall know we aren't going to get a nationalized health plan anytime soon).
Its just habit (and chemical addiction) that keeps them going back for more.
Our cars and diet and electricity use and all the rest are basically like cigarettes. They don't make us happier in life, but we have a lot of trouble giving them up.
(The good news is, no physical addiction!)
Other things that are good for the earth, which in the long run are good for our pocketbooks, our health, and/or our happiness, include buying the absolute smallest car you can find, buying less stuff (we all know stuff doesn't really make us happier), living close to work (or better yet, telecommuting), eating organic (more nutrients, less toxic chemicals), saving energy (this should go without saying.) It does take more time to put the clothes on the line. But not only do you save money, that is time spent outdoors in the sun, instead of in some laundrymat or the basement.
Then, with all the surplus in good deeds, spend some of that on the things that make life better, (but maybe aren't the best things ecologically)
If you spent all year saving electricity, go ahead and put up that elaborate xmas light display.
After buying everything on Craigslist.org or from thrift stores, go ahead and buy a brand new high quality food processor.
After biking to work every day, take the car up to the mountains for vacation.
And don't feel bad about it!
Enjoy life. Doing good should not be a sacrifice.
06 August 2008
we have some seriously f*cking gnarly trails right here in Oakland
- Aug 6, 2008
we have some seriously f*cking gnarly trails right here in Oakland
It was many years ago when I last rode a mountain bike on a trail.
I had this heavy old Fuji that folded in half, weighed about 50lbs, had a 5 speed freewheel and friction thumb shifters. For those that don't know bikes, that means it was a pretty crappy bike.
I had this heavy old Fuji that folded in half, weighed about 50lbs, had a 5 speed freewheel and friction thumb shifters. For those that don't know bikes, that means it was a pretty crappy bike.
But, I had really nice tires on it, and it is just amazing the crud you can ride over with fat knobbies.
But then I moved into an RV, there was only room for one bike, and I took my more versatile road touring bike. The mnt. bike went up on the wall in the garage in Mom's house.
But then I moved into an RV, there was only room for one bike, and I took my more versatile road touring bike. The mnt. bike went up on the wall in the garage in Mom's house.
Before long I moved out of the area, then out of the state, and clear across the country. The bike hung upside down, its tires sad with nostalgia of mud. We had once encountered a small stream at about 15mph, and before I had a chance to even get scared (nevermind brake) we were already over and past it. Now, without me, they did nothing but than lose air molecules, one by one.
I came back, eventually, to CA. I took the mountain bike with me to Burning Man.
One night, I parked it outside next to my RV. Someone came by and claimed it. I suppose the idea is, in a semi-anarchistic gifting culture, no one can lay claim to property, and so this wasn't so much theft as involuntary sharing.
I decided that next time I wanted to get a half-way decent mountain bike. Which meant that for years and years, I had none at all, because there was always more important things to spend money on.
Many years passed.
I became a hauler. You wouldn't believe the things I get paid to pick up from people. My TV, DVD, VCR, RePlay, CD changer, sofa, scanner/printer... these are all things I was paid to take away. I have had several bikes, but none were quite right, and they passed through my hands to new owners.
And one day, just last week, I ended up with a mountain bike, and this one I kept.
I came back, eventually, to CA. I took the mountain bike with me to Burning Man.
One night, I parked it outside next to my RV. Someone came by and claimed it. I suppose the idea is, in a semi-anarchistic gifting culture, no one can lay claim to property, and so this wasn't so much theft as involuntary sharing.
I decided that next time I wanted to get a half-way decent mountain bike. Which meant that for years and years, I had none at all, because there was always more important things to spend money on.
Many years passed.
I became a hauler. You wouldn't believe the things I get paid to pick up from people. My TV, DVD, VCR, RePlay, CD changer, sofa, scanner/printer... these are all things I was paid to take away. I have had several bikes, but none were quite right, and they passed through my hands to new owners.
And one day, just last week, I ended up with a mountain bike, and this one I kept.
I was a little disappointed at first when I looked it up and found out how cheap it was when it was new. A bit heavy for the frame size. Cheap forks without much rebound damping. Low end Shimano components.
On the other hand, the frame is far too small for me, which has the advantage of making it lighter (plus plenty of standover height, and a short wheelbase for maneuverability).
The fork has a huge range of easily adjustable preload, changing it from very soft and cushy to stiff while retaining small bump sensitivity.
And, working as a bike mechanic for the past couple years, I recognize that while the shifters are a decade old and were cheap back then, they actually stand the test of time, and this particular design fails less often than many newer and more expensive ones. Just like every other of the same model I've come across, they still shift as crisp and precise as a new set.
Its about half the weight of the bike lost to Burning Man, and its the first bike I've owned with any suspension fork at all. Took it to work in order to tweak it a little, upgrade a few components, barends, clipless pedals. Sure is nice working in a bikeshop!
I would normally fit a 16 or 17" frame, and this being a 12.5" frame, I had the seatpost way past the limit mark - the point at which if you bring it any higher there's a good chance it will break off sooner or later, and it was still too low.
I found an old extra long seatpost in the scrap metal bin. All of the grippy teeth were worn away to nothing. I took about half an hour to file new teeth into the post. No decent bikeshop should be without several types of file.
I found an old extra long seatpost in the scrap metal bin. All of the grippy teeth were worn away to nothing. I took about half an hour to file new teeth into the post. No decent bikeshop should be without several types of file.
Today was the first day on which I had no work, and nothing planned.
Time to try it out in its natural environment.
The preparation took longer than I had expected. Stripped the lights and old speedometer bracket. Pulled the road slicks it came with and tossed on the set of knobbies. Couldn't find my multi-tool, borrowed the one in the motorcycle. Had to switch the pump from presta to schrader - but the schrader was broken, had to find the other pump, and switch the parts. Pump the tubes back up - 40PSI; better for traction. Search for trails online.
Load the bike into the truck - it seems wrong to drive in order to ride a bike; but that is a BIG hill on the way to the nearest trail. Besides, the truck runs on recycled vegetable oil, so I guess its ok.
First thing, I lowered the preload a little. Started riding, came across a small set of stairs...
W O W ! !
That was soooooo smooth. It was like a ramp it was so smooth. Stairs? what stairs? I just rode over a speed bump. No, less than that. It was like a gentle decline. For the first time in my life I actually understand why they've put suspension forks on every mountain bike for the past couple decades.
I had to turn around. I wonder... I rode right back toward the little set of steps. hopped the first two steps like a curb, and rode up the third, and, yes, it worked, I didn't fall, didn't stop.
Did I just ride up a set of stairs? I didn't think that was possible. The trails were awaiting just a few hundred feet away, but I had to ride up and down several sets of stairs first. How did I go this long without owning a mountain bike?
Ok. And I'm off. Long paved up hill. Creaky cranks. Rather hot. And nobody to be seen or heard in any direction. Riding aimlessly, came across the visitors center, picked up a map, and found where the dirt trails were.
And then, at long last, the real fun began.
I used to ride in the EBRPD parks, mostly Wildcat and Tilden. I thought there was no legal singletrack in the east bay. Oh but there is. We have some seriously fucking gnarly singletrack right here in Oakland. It wasn't long before I dropped the tire pressure to about 25. Steep technical rocky ascents, so steep that leaning back a tiny bit the front wheel would leave the ground, leaning forward the back would lose traction. The fork and fat tires ate bumps like a prisoners last meal, the short wheelbase gave me the sharp handling I had predicted, and the cheap shifters and derailleurs were more responsive at both low speeds and under full pedal pressure than the fancy expensive 105 set on my carbon road bike.
None of this was enough to compensate for lack of skill, however, and I still ended up walking a couple hills.
None of this was enough to compensate for lack of skill, however, and I still ended up walking a couple hills.
The park is simply gorgeous. If I knew anything about plants, I would describe it, but I don't, so you will just have to think of forests you've been in and use your imagination. Warm day, shady trees all around. Animals scampering below the brush, always just out of sight. On occasion hikers, dog walkers, one other cyclist (she was kinda' cute!), but mostly just me, the bike, and the trail. Silent but for the creaky cranks, and my occasional exclamations (!). Quite a few trail intersections aren't marked, so I ended up back tracking a few times, and wondering if I was somewhere where I shouldn't be (they wouldn't let bikes on a trail this narrow and full of obstacles, would they?)
For some reason all of the most technical sections ended up being uphills for me. I kept considering going back just to ride them, but I was out to explore, and I don't like to go the way I came if I can loop. Now and then I would cross trails I recognized. And then...
This side trail would have been challenging to walk down. It was steep. It was full of rocks. It was filled with deep water channels. And to prevent erosion, every few feet there were wooden blocks buried which created one foot sheer drop offs. This would make for enough of a challenge, but the trail also wandered to and fro. And the plant life crept in on both sides thick and scratchy severely limiting the lines that could be taken.
But this is what I came here for, isn't it? I won't claim I wasn't scared. This bike took a staircase like it was a wheelchair ramp. Its got decent brakes (well, in front, but those are the ones that matter). I can just try to go slow. It would take a better writer than myself to put into words that section of trail. I can describe the feeling though. Equal parts terror and fun. Like the first roller coaster that goes upside down that you go on when you're 9 and finally tall enough. Like racing a small car on the freeway at 90mph in medium dense traffic. Like technical downhill mountain biking when you have almost no experience at it. My heart rate and breathing were as high from the downhill as they had been from the uphills earlier. I don't think I have had so much fun since I worked at the carnival.
But this is what I came here for, isn't it? I won't claim I wasn't scared. This bike took a staircase like it was a wheelchair ramp. Its got decent brakes (well, in front, but those are the ones that matter). I can just try to go slow. It would take a better writer than myself to put into words that section of trail. I can describe the feeling though. Equal parts terror and fun. Like the first roller coaster that goes upside down that you go on when you're 9 and finally tall enough. Like racing a small car on the freeway at 90mph in medium dense traffic. Like technical downhill mountain biking when you have almost no experience at it. My heart rate and breathing were as high from the downhill as they had been from the uphills earlier. I don't think I have had so much fun since I worked at the carnival.
Over the drop-offs the front end went so low I had to barely brake to keep from going endo, and compensating with rear brake just had me sliding around - not the best thing when going an inch off the chosen line could mean a big heap of human/bicycle on the rocks and leaving a good portion of my blood behind to nourish the creeping plant life. After the first time the backwheel actually lifted about 2 feet in the air upon landing I stopped to lower the seatpost a few inches.
After that, (and some time to try to relax and compose) I started to get a feel for it, and go quicker. I tried jumping a dropoff to stay level... this was the closest I came to actually crashing, and I can not say quite how I recovered. I decided not to try that again. And yet, just a few dozen feet later the rocks and channels diminished, the trail straightened out, and I found myself able to pick up a lot of speed... except for those erosion berms. I tried to jump another afterall, and landed straight and level, and after two more it was easy, and I just went faster and faster, jumping down each berm as easy as I'd hop a curb on my commuter bike, and just as I am ready to melt in flying mechanical ecstasy, the trail and I meet up with the main loop, and I slide to a dramatic stop.
A quick check of the map, and some time to catch my breath and stop grinning like a lunatic, commenting out loud to nobody about how unbelievably amazing this all is, and how I can't believe I actually just did that, and that I did it without needing an airlift, or even a bandaid; and I'm ready to follow the loop back toward the staging area. I'm riding alongside a hill on a trail about 1 foot wide, I wonder how we would pass each other if another cyclist happened to be going the other way, watching for the trail I need to turn off on and - huh? A street?
I am lost and disoriented. This makes no sense at all. I check my map. I check it again. I don't know where I am or how I got there. I turn around. This is not even a tiny bit upsetting, because it just means I get to ride longer. Eventually I realize I had been holding the map upside down compared to the world, and I'm actually not that far off from where I should be at all. Then there is a low bent tree crossing the trail so low I have to get off the saddle, duck as low as I can, and just barely fit through the gap. The trees back away, and I am riding through a meadow with tall grass. I am riding through rolling hills. For 30 seconds, maybe a little more, a dragonfly paced me precisely. I would look down the trail to see where I was going, and then I would turn my head to the left, and there, right beside me, the dragon fly matched my speed, matched the slight turns in the trail. It all happened so fast, or I might have gotten its number, and it would have been my new dragon fly friend. It was not to be.
Then a downhill though the shady trees, smooth and fast, but had to keep glasses on despite the shade and mouth closed despite breathing hard, else swallow a vast number of tiny flys. I realize that tiny flys are both low in fat and high in protein, but I am a vegetarian, and as such I am just not comfortable with that.
This is not exactly the end of the story, but the last leg of the return trip was not so exciting as the rest. So I will leave you here with this advice:
go buy a mountain bike!
go buy a mountain bike!
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